I sat at the table and I was trying with all my intellect(don’t laugh) to spell alone out of the letters from lonely. I was there for a good thirty minutes before I realized it simply is not possible. The thought came about because I feel alone all the time but I came to the conclusion I am lonely.
Are alone and lonely the same thing? This was the question that I began to ask myself. Well, I am lonely therefore I must be alone. The more I thought about the question the more I began to realize that lonely is the feeling we get when we don’t have another warm body to speak with. The definition says “without a companion” so I was pretty close. In regards to a place the definition is unfrequented by people. So after I thought about it for a long time I started to realize that lonely was the result of being without. That must mean that I am alone. The definition of alone is being without others. So they are the same thing right?
I came to the conclusion that they are not the same thing. You see just because we are lonely (without companions) does not mean that we are alone. We always have someone there with us and for us. Without getting spiritual there is always someone who desired a relationship with us. We are not without others in our life but we may be without a companion. Lonely I believe is that feeling we get when we do not have a significant other. It does not have to be a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. It can be that best friend that you hang out with all the time. A companion to share all your deepest darkest secrets. Someone that will listen to you and accept your states of frustration with the way that life is going. Someone that will be outwardly excited for all the new accomplishments. Someone that is physically present. The fact that we are not a lone rests more on the spiritual level or by choice.
Yes, I do believe that we choose to be alone sometimes. We allow ourselves to be without others. We shut out all the attempts of others to hang out, talk, go to a movie or something like that. We say that we are busy. We make no attempt to get in the word or pray or be close to the “God” in our life. We choose to be alone. We choose to be without others but they are there. We are not alone. We have that option. Lonely on the other hand is not so easy. It is not easy to find a companion. If it were match.com and the million other dating sites would not exist. If it were was to find someone that we had a ton in common got along and the sparks simply flew we would all be happily married. It’s not. There are bouts where we meet people and we think that the sparks are flying but when the lights turn back on we realize we were trying too hard. We realize that we were lonely and we were trying to have that companion to fill that emptiness but it is not the right fit.
I have been lonely for a while now. Off and on it has gone a way but in the end I realize that I feel lonely. The good news is that I have realized through it all that we are not alone. If we can grasp that there is no alone in lonely then we can still have a great time. We can still accomplish great things. We do not have to be a lone. To be lonely is acceptable. If we know it and we embrace it the feelings of sadness do not have to dominate. Find the joy and find the time to get to know yourself. Being lonely gives us the unique opportunity to observe the thinker, be present and get to know ourselves. The more that we get to know ourselves and who we are the more likely that the someone, the companion will come into our life and we will no longer be lonely. It is when we are not looking that we are most likely to find.
There is no alone is lonely. We always have others around and we have ourselves to get to know. You can try all you want but you can’t spell alone with the letters from lonely. They are different and we must embrace that!