I believe that we often start to wonder if our journey has a destination. It feels like it is taking us here and then there and then here and then where? We get an idea in our head of what our journey is supposed to look like. We have an image that we have created. Then the image begins to change. Letting go of that image can be very difficult.
Growing up I never pictured myself a father. I didn’t want to have children. This could have been because I was lacking a father figure in my life, I was selfish, or I just did not have the patience. There are many reasons that I feel like I did not want to embark on that journey. My destination was to be very different. I loved the idea of coaching and mentoring the youth because I could give them back when I got tired. However, life took me in a very different direction.
I am now a father of three and would have it no other way. The picture that I had created in my head was very hard to destroy when I had the first child. I was still young and I wanted to have the freedom. I did not like getting up at 3 am to hold and rock for hours. It was a struggle. I constantly had to change my thinking to get through the “process.” I wish I could say that it changed with the first child but it didn’t. The second child I was better but I was married to my work at this point. I wanted to make sure that I could afford these babies. I saw it now as college education, sports, trips what am I going to do. The pressure was mounting and the picture that I had growing up was drastically different. Then the third………:) It was finally the third child where I matured and had started to accept the new picture. I wanted to be involved in all of their lives at this point. I liked the 3 am wake up as it was a time to hold and get to know my child. I would sit next to the bed of the other children and watch them sleep after I rocked the littlest to bed.
You see my journey is leading somewhere. I am still not certain where it may lead me. What I try to do now is let go of the pictures. Those pictures that I have in my mind of what my life is supposed to look like. I want to open the door for the great artist to paint the picture called my life so I can enjoy the view. Since we are often times our own worst critics we are often not happy with our work. However, we do have the ability to enjoy and appreciate the art of others. I don’t know who your artist is. My artist is the Lord. He is the one that will paint the picture of my life for me. I am no longer going to put my creative works into play and hold onto them so tight that others cannot work in my life. Every time I have held onto an image because of pride and ego it has ended in pain. My pride did not want the picture to change. It was the picture wasn’t it? I drew it. This is what is was supposed to look like. No, we have to be open to change. You see our journey leads somewhere. That somewhere matters. Life will take you here and there and then we feel sometimes where. Embrace that journey. Know by faith or know that it is your destiny to end up somewhere and enjoy the here along the way.
“Dare to be real and raw”