The Calm before the Storm

If you have been following me for any length of time you know that I love the Ocean. I mainly love sitting next to the ocean and watching the waves crash on the rocks. I like to see the vast life that lives beyond my current reach. I love to see the people that line the beach and simply play. The beach is a place I go to get rejuvenated. Physiologically and mentally the beach can do a lot for me. One thing that always marvels me about sitting at the beach is all the calm that is reflected in the water beyond the waves. It would appear to be like glass. It would appear to be like the morning on a lake before all the boats rev up and hit the water. It is so calm. I feel like my life right now is in that state of calm. As I write that I then wonder why I feel so unsettled? I wonder why I feel out of sorts? Then it hits me. I have lived my entire life in a state of chaos. Not all the chaos was bad but I have lived fast and on the move from the beginning. Now I am stable and steady and that freaks me out in many ways.

So many people search their whole life for stability. Others take the safe road because it feels stable and seems to make sense. For the record what I mean by stable is the following: I have a job, make decent money, have a roof over my head, i’m able to save, the kids and I are able to adventure, we have all that we really need to survive in this life. Why then do I remain unsettled? If I truly knew the exact answer I would simply work toward the conclusion but I do not. I have some speculation though. When I speculate I conclude I just didn’t see myself where I am at. This was not the picture that I had created my whole life. I thought I would never marry, never have kids, be a high level executive in some company etc. etc etc. However, that image has changed over the years. I now picture myself in love with a great partner. I picture myself having balance between work and play. I picture the duo helping each other out and communicating. I picture living. I do still picture being a little more financially well off but I will save my thoughts on that for a later post. I’m working on appreciating all that I have not longing for more of (blank) all the time. So why unsettled? Well that picture is not a reality of mine either. Its simply not where I am at.

So here I sit realizing that all this stuff I read on being present, enjoying the moment, living for today, and more is real. Its nearly impossible (call me if you have an answer otherwise) to be settled when you are looking forward and backward all the time. The only way to be settled is to be so in the moment you can only have that experience. Truly this is real. I will tell you as I say awake at 3 am the other night watching my daughter in agony try to sleep I was alive. I was settled. The only thing on my mind at the time was making sure she contain used to breath. My only focus was on her health. Nothing else was on my mind. I was purely in that moment of time. Another example of living in the moment for me is when I am working out at Crossfit. I am so focused on picking up that bar nothing else resides in my head. Being present is key. Lastly, I want to touch on the original reason I began writing this post. I wrote the calm before the storm as the title because I believe that I have been purposely slowed down momentarily to catch my breath for what is next. I know that I have so much more to give. So much to give to my children, my next and hopefully last girlfriend, my work, and every individual I come in contact with. I think this calm is really rest and recovery. Until then I will not think about it. I will do my best to live right now. Learn that if where I am today is as far as I will ever go to simply appreciate myself and love myself for that.